Catfish
Watching 'Catfish' and pondering. . .
I've been very lucky with my online relationships and the people I managed to fall in love with after knowing them online first. They have all, so far, proved to be at least 85% who and what they said they were. We had our own rules about online behaviours versus real life behaviours and in general stuck to those rules and got it all to work. I'm not still with any of these people, but I have met all but one of them in the flesh and we eventually parted friends.
It startled me at first, then, to learn that some people make up completely fake facebook identities and then have romantic and sexual lives with others via the internet, with 'real' people.
I'm not talking about people who lie about their marital status when online (I tend to assume a man is married if he is trying to talk with me sexually... sad and judgemental of me, I know, but based on experience).
I need to make it clear at this point that I am not talking about people who are transgendered or transitioning either, because using a a name that's the gender you feel you are isn't what I am talking about here. Nor am I talking about roleplaying characters online, because in that situation both parties KNOW that they are players acting out roles.
What I am talking about is people making up fake profiles . . . Let's say for example 'Lily' the budding pop star and Beauty Pageant competitior, . . . and then interacting online with people as this fake identity whilst never fessing up that Lily doesn't actually exist and is 'just words on a page'. . . Meanwhile, the person(s) they are talking to may have fallen in love with / proposed cohabitation to / asked to marry 'Lily'
As a roleplayer and BDSMer, I do kind of get it, but I also know the difference between 'IC' (In Character) and 'OOC' (out-of-character) and I try to keep those borders well patrolled.
My exception is the names (pseudonyms and nomme de plumes) I am known by online, but people generally know where the names fit in and why they are in use. The names are also false because I don't believe in giving my real personal details to faceless megacorps whose data security has already, several times, been proven to be too weak and not fit for purpose. That issue alone is enough to justify using 'pen names' online, for me! ;. . . Also, despite my relatively high vigilance when online, someone (non-malicious, thankfully) managed to discover my real name and location by back-tracking through my online presence after just a couple of days of chatting to me. I was able to close that particular loophole, mercifully (the heads up was much appreciated 'Tallulah', big hugs to you!), but took it for the 'warning from the Universe' I believe it was.
If you are 'playing' anyone right now, please stop. Many truly lonely and distraught people are more honest online than they feel they can be in their real lives (which is a whole 'nother issue) and by playing them you are embedding very real harm in their (already very hard) very real lives. It may not have started for you as anything more than 'a bit of fun', but leading someone on in the way described is a malicious act even though it's just an amusement for you.
I've been very lucky with my online relationships and the people I managed to fall in love with after knowing them online first. They have all, so far, proved to be at least 85% who and what they said they were. We had our own rules about online behaviours versus real life behaviours and in general stuck to those rules and got it all to work. I'm not still with any of these people, but I have met all but one of them in the flesh and we eventually parted friends.
It startled me at first, then, to learn that some people make up completely fake facebook identities and then have romantic and sexual lives with others via the internet, with 'real' people.
I'm not talking about people who lie about their marital status when online (I tend to assume a man is married if he is trying to talk with me sexually... sad and judgemental of me, I know, but based on experience).
I need to make it clear at this point that I am not talking about people who are transgendered or transitioning either, because using a a name that's the gender you feel you are isn't what I am talking about here. Nor am I talking about roleplaying characters online, because in that situation both parties KNOW that they are players acting out roles.
What I am talking about is people making up fake profiles . . . Let's say for example 'Lily' the budding pop star and Beauty Pageant competitior, . . . and then interacting online with people as this fake identity whilst never fessing up that Lily doesn't actually exist and is 'just words on a page'. . . Meanwhile, the person(s) they are talking to may have fallen in love with / proposed cohabitation to / asked to marry 'Lily'
As a roleplayer and BDSMer, I do kind of get it, but I also know the difference between 'IC' (In Character) and 'OOC' (out-of-character) and I try to keep those borders well patrolled.
My exception is the names (pseudonyms and nomme de plumes) I am known by online, but people generally know where the names fit in and why they are in use. The names are also false because I don't believe in giving my real personal details to faceless megacorps whose data security has already, several times, been proven to be too weak and not fit for purpose. That issue alone is enough to justify using 'pen names' online, for me! ;. . . Also, despite my relatively high vigilance when online, someone (non-malicious, thankfully) managed to discover my real name and location by back-tracking through my online presence after just a couple of days of chatting to me. I was able to close that particular loophole, mercifully (the heads up was much appreciated 'Tallulah', big hugs to you!), but took it for the 'warning from the Universe' I believe it was.
If you are 'playing' anyone right now, please stop. Many truly lonely and distraught people are more honest online than they feel they can be in their real lives (which is a whole 'nother issue) and by playing them you are embedding very real harm in their (already very hard) very real lives. It may not have started for you as anything more than 'a bit of fun', but leading someone on in the way described is a malicious act even though it's just an amusement for you.
Labels: Catfish, data security, maliciousness, megacorps, nomme de plumes, online identity, pseudonyms, roleplaying
posted by Katisha @ 2:10 PM
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